On Becoming a Digital Hermit and Quitting Social Media

An experiment and invitation into a quieter digital life

I recently decided to stop using social media. Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter were my media (or drug) of choice, for catching up with friends/family, watching funny things, and reading articles, respectively.

Photo by Dawid Sokołowski on Unsplash

Social media has been a presence in my life ever since I started writing on a Xanga blog in high school (that dates me!), then Myspace, but of course Facebook was the thing that changed everything. In high school I was in a summer program called Governor’s Scholar Program, and this was around the time Facebook started letting everyone (not just college students) join it. My friends and I, we all made a profile; we wrote on each other’s walls; we poked. It all seems so innocent, looking back on it.

I wonder what I would tell my 17 year old self then…probably something like this: don’t waste a single second of your life on something that isn’t real. I think people of my generation (millennials, I guess) are waking up to the first half of the middle of our lives, and we are angry at how much time we spent in such a false, inauthentic, spiritually draining world, a world that promised so much and delivered so little.

I wonder how much time I wasted on that site, that could have been spent in developing real relationships and valuable skills—how many articles (like this one) went unwritten, songs went unlearned, prayers went unsaid, friendships went cold, forests went un-hiked, books went unread, because I was mindlessly strolling through other people’s half-baked posts and companies’ well-targeted ads…it’s like what people say when someone dies far too young, but we can say it over a whole generation: what a waste.

It’s been several years since I’ve really found much value in using these platforms, but I kept on because of their utility to me as a pastor. I liked seeing what was going on in people’s lives, keeping track of people, and how it was so easy to connect with people, at least on a superficial level. There was just enough good to keep you scrolling: pictures of newborn babies, funny articles, news updates from organizations you follow, etc.

But I have had a growing feeling for a long time that the bads badly outweighed the good, and that if I wasted any more time scrolling on my phone I was going to go crazy.

So, cold turkey, January 1, I said enough is enough, and I turned them all off. I wanted my time and my mind back.

I’m on the fourth week of digital hermitage, and so far, so good.

I feel more focused in my deep work (writing, prayer, reading); I’m more efficient in getting my administrative tasks done (the little more mindless tasks I try to get done in the beginning of the week); and I’m also way less stressed about the events of the world.

But here’s what I’m celebrating, just four weeks into this experiment:

I’m reclaiming my inner life.

There is a pernicious thing that happens when you are on social media too much: you lose the ability to think distinctively, to slowly chew on information and really consider what you think as opposed to what your tribe thinks. What I’m finding, in my own writing and reading, is that the longer I am off of social media, the better acquainted I am becoming with my own inner life.

What I mean by that is that when I take a walk, when I am not listening to a podcast, or when I am taking a moment of quiet in my office, I am so much better able to simply reside in my thoughts—what I read that day, who I talked to, who God is nudging me to reach out to, what I’m curious about, what I’m excited about, what I’m worried about. To simply be with myself, and also be with God.

And without the filter of the entire world’s stress, the controversies and drama and horror of the entire globe, without the temptation to envy others that social media brings, the fear of missing out (FOMO) that somehow my life is not as glamorous or exciting as someone else’s, I am regaining the ability to simply rest in and embrace the life that God has actually given me and that I can actually live.

An amazing, imperfect, undeserved life.

I’m also enjoying my actual (analog) relationships more.

Hermits are people that go to live by themselves so that they could better hear the voice of God: in caves, in the desert, on top of a mountain, that kind of thing. That is a calling for very few (and definitely not for me!). Most of us become who God is calling us to be by having a rich, deep sense of community, with healthy friendships with people who love us and share life with us.

But for many of us, the false community of social media inhibits us from 1) realizing our actual loneliness and 2) investing in real relationships and communities that would bring us life. For many, getting rid of social media might be the thing that makes us actually social again.

I think what I’m finding is that having a quieter digital life, a less interruptible digital life, makes me a more interruptible person in my real life. I’m more present to my children, my congregants, my wife, my friends, more interruptible, if I’m not attempting to be available to the entire world through a self that is highly constructed and often false. And so far, I’m loving it.

I know that social media is a great opportunity and space to reach unchurched people; my church has a wonderful volunteer who runs our Facebook (hi Jess!). That outreach is really important to our ministry. There are also many people who are able to navigate that space joyfully and connect with people in beautiful ways. If that’s you, keep up the good work, and make sure you guard your heart in the process.

But on the other hand, if you’re like me, and you are just tired of social media and what it’s doing to your soul and the way it’s affecting your relationships and the unnecessary stress it creates and the time it steals from your day and the way it has harmed our culture and the way it makes you not like people that you would otherwise like—then just quit! And be a human being again. Trust me, it’s a good feeling.

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A few more thoughts on quitting social media:

• Maybe try it for Lent (it’s starting soon, Ash Wednesday is Feb. 14th!), and then if you feel more free, do it forever.

• I’m using an app called Freedom to set limits for myself on time wasting sites. I have so far set it up to be able to check social media accounts once a week just to check notifications and messages (I have not been scrolling); and that’s worked great for me. Really recommend it!

• If you want to think more deeply about this subject, read The Tech-Wise Family by Andy Crouch, which really helped me think through what I wanted to do with my time.

• Also, remember that curating your digital life is one of those things that is a matter of discernment, not judgment. We are all different, in different situations, and in different seasons of life. I’m just sharing where I’m at right now. Substack is a kind of social media, I suppose, but it’s one better suited to long-form writing and conversation, in a way that brings me a lot of joy. I think it’s all just a matter of paying attention to what you pay attention to, and being intentional about it.

If you enjoy my Substack, consider buying me a coffee!